Home » Uncategorized » Discovering the AMWF community

Discovering the AMWF community

It wasn’t too long ago that I happened to stumble on an AMWF facebook page, which then allowed me to find several AMWF blogs.  To be honest, I didn’t know such a community existed.  I never saw my relationships any differently than anyone else.  But the more I read about other people’s experiences, the more I realized that there was indeed a blending of 2 different cultures.  I know, I know.  How could you not see 2 different cultures?  I mean I KNOW it has always been there.  I guess it’s just that maybe I’ve lived in the U.S. for so long, that EVERYTHING was an adaptation for me.    I started talking to my wife about what I was reading and we had a great time remembering the past 14 years of our lives.  So, I decided to start my own blog to share the experiences that we lived through.

So I’ll start with how I got to the U.S.  in order to meet the girl of my dreams.

VIETNAM EVACUATION

It was April 1975.  I was 5 months old and Saigon was falling.  My father was a Huey pilot for South Vietnam.  He and several other pilots took helicopters like the one above and got us out.  We flew out to sea looking for the U.S. ships.  The picture above was so important  because helicopters were pushed into the ocean to make space for the next helicopter with the pilot and his family to get out.  You land, you get out, you push that helicopter into the ocean to make room for the next helicopter to land.  We were all very low on fuel and if you didn’t do it fast enough, a watery grave was your future.  We were the first wave of refugees.  All of us had our own escape story.  Maybe one day I will go further in detail as to exactly what happened.  But, til this day, that remains family history.

Eventually, we ended up in Texas where sponsors agreed to take us in and help us learn the American system.  Growing up in Texas, I adopted a lot of American values in addition to what my parents taught us so as to not completely lose our culture.  Still, I grew up around mostly white kids.  I’m assuming that’s probably why I have more of an attraction to white girls.  Don’t get me wrong, I was attracted to girls of all races, but most of what I was around was white girls.  I was the typical shy Asian kid.  I had lots of little crushes in school, but never had the courage to follow through with anything.  I started playing basketball in the 7th grade which helped me to develop a little more confidence, but not enough to really make a difference.  I was friends with all the cute girls, including the cheerleaders, but feared rejection so badly that I still didn’t have the nerve to ask any of them out.  I was a mess.  In high school, the fact that I was an academic athlete became more evident.  I was in the top 1% of my class while playing a starter position on my basketball team.  (Jeremy Lin, Yao Ming….I was there before you guys).  Yes, my confidence was still growing, but it was still not enough.  I was great friends with even more cute girls in my class.  And yes, most of them were white.  It wasn’t a racial issue.  It’s just who was available.  Most of the academic students who were also athletes were white.  It’s just who I was hanging around, studying with, and eventually developed an attraction for.

In college, I said to myself that I had enough.  I was going to just jump right in to the dating scene and screw my fear of rejection.  I started dating an Italian girl who became my girlfriend for 3 years.  That was the plunge I needed.  Dating just seemed so much easier after that.  What the hell was I so afraid of?  Anyways, Italian girl introduced me to her best friend, who eventually became my wife.  Now, I know how it sounds.  But, Italian girl and I had been long over with.  I always thought her friend was cute and tried to convince her to date me after we broke up because I knew she felt the same way.  But, she said that she couldn’t date me because I was her best friend’s ex-boyfriend.  But we were really good friends.  We actually would go out to the bars, get tipsy, and fool around.  Next morning, she always said, “We shouldn’t have done that.”  I would respond with, “okay”.  Then, it happened again and again and again.  It became almost a weekly event, with the same ending.  “We shouldn’t have done that.”  And, me saying, “okay.”  Eventually, I started to date other people, which I think made her jealous.  So, she eventually agreed to be with me.  We were really good friends to begin with and it just felt right.  Eventually, we were married and now have 3 beautiful daughters.  Thus, began our almost 15 years of marriage now.  Here’s a picture of us back then.

wedding

For those of you in an AMWF relationship, hold on tight.  It’s going to be a ride.  Good….bad….it’s never boring.

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13 thoughts on “Discovering the AMWF community

  1. Wow…all I can say is that I have a strikingly similar story to yours! My boyfriend of 2 years is of Vietnamese descent. He’s the oldest child of the first generation born and raised in Australia, and I was born to mixed parentage of Greek and Australian. Like you, I met him through my Italian ex-boyfriend, who was (and no longer is) his best friend. We were both super reluctant to publicly be together, for fear of destroying our friendships with my ex, so kept our hooking up on the down-low.

    My boyfriend and I always poke each other whenever we see another amwf couple in public because they are seemingly so few and far between. We get excited (arguably in a stupid way) because we both felt there were some barriers to our interracial relationship, particularly general public/friend perceptions about attraction and cohesive partnership, etc.

    Anyways, I’m enjoying your blog, and eager to read more posts!
    Would love to see a guest post from your wife if she is willing 🙂

    • Yeah, my wife and her best friend were not “kind” to each other when we were married. But, they are best friends again. We all lost a mutual friend from college in Afghanistan in 2007. Losing him made us all realize how trivial we were acting.

      I will ask my wife if she wouldn’t mind making a guest post sometime in the future, but as of right now, she’s really busy with our 16 month old.

  2. I came across the fact that my husband and I are a AMWF couple when I read the article on Huffington Post. My husband came to the US age 3 from Okinawa when my father-in-law, his adoptive Dad, and his Mom left when Vietnam War was over. Following your blog now.

  3. Wow, great post! I can really relate to it! Although, my fiance who is Chinese, and I had lots of friends in common when we first met, it took him months before he even said a word to me, he was so shy, not confident at all and he would barley look at me if we were all out for dinner. Eventually he became more and more confident as I started talking to him, and the day he asked me to be hes girlfriend, the first thing he said was “I know I am too short, and not handsome enough to be your boyfriend, but can you please give me a chance?” and by that my heart was taken..

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